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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive guide to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions validate your decision to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {